My attempt to put up blogs regularly has failed, will try again once I am fully settled.
Why do I feel like everything that is happening around me is a show and I am a member of the audience?
Yes that sounds really odd but it is how I have been feeling for the last week, I am starting to get really annoyed with it. I keep doing that whole shake of the head thing that you do when you have been staring at one spot for a while in a trance, I know how odd it must look to everybody around me. I feel that if I do it every now and again I will eventually snap out of it!
This weekend I am moving AGAIN! This time I am hoping will be a permanent one until I move to Australia! I found out last night that another good friend is moving to Australia next year, there are more and more reasons to go!
Yay! It’s the weekend tomorrow!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Welcome back Summer!
Yay Summer is back! I say back as during the middle of October we had gorgeous weather and we all started getting excited as summer was finally here but we all go to excited to soon as last week it SNOWED! Yes in November it snowed in Christchurch! This is odd as in Christchurch we hardly get any snow in winter as it is…but the last two days the temperature has got up to 26degrees Celsius!!
Hehe today is cup day in Christchurch so that means short week Yay! But what it is really like is a smaller version of Melbourne Cup day. Today we did an office sweepstake and my horse came in 2nd! So I won $5 Yay, it’s not much but it is exciting to me!
The other night I broke the news to the guy that loves me that all I want to be is friends, this went down better than I thought but now I am worried that he thinks that we will eventually get together after I get myself sorted. Hmm to me this isn’t the case, so I am watching every move I make, to make sure I don’t put the wrong signs out there.
On other news I spoke a thought, out loud to my mum that I was going to start looking for somewhere to live, yip that was fine but then she goes and puts the house back on the market! Acting like its all my fault that she bought the house and now I am not going to be living there!! That’s not the case, but hey you can’t tell her that. At the same time of putting it on the market they also put it on trademe, to see if anybody would like to rent it and surely enough a family has come along and wants it! Which I was hoping would happen so she wouldn’t make a loss on the house.
In the mean time I went and had a look at a flat (the lady that does my waxing is looking for a flatmate), the house is smaller than I was looking for, probably about the same as my old flat but its got a decent size back yard and I don’t have to share a washing line with four other flats! She is really nice and we sat and talked for ages, I felt comfortable straight away (this is a big thing for me). I am going to have a look at another flat tomorrow night to make sure I am making the right decision. But I think I am going to go for it!
Hehe today is cup day in Christchurch so that means short week Yay! But what it is really like is a smaller version of Melbourne Cup day. Today we did an office sweepstake and my horse came in 2nd! So I won $5 Yay, it’s not much but it is exciting to me!
The other night I broke the news to the guy that loves me that all I want to be is friends, this went down better than I thought but now I am worried that he thinks that we will eventually get together after I get myself sorted. Hmm to me this isn’t the case, so I am watching every move I make, to make sure I don’t put the wrong signs out there.
On other news I spoke a thought, out loud to my mum that I was going to start looking for somewhere to live, yip that was fine but then she goes and puts the house back on the market! Acting like its all my fault that she bought the house and now I am not going to be living there!! That’s not the case, but hey you can’t tell her that. At the same time of putting it on the market they also put it on trademe, to see if anybody would like to rent it and surely enough a family has come along and wants it! Which I was hoping would happen so she wouldn’t make a loss on the house.
In the mean time I went and had a look at a flat (the lady that does my waxing is looking for a flatmate), the house is smaller than I was looking for, probably about the same as my old flat but its got a decent size back yard and I don’t have to share a washing line with four other flats! She is really nice and we sat and talked for ages, I felt comfortable straight away (this is a big thing for me). I am going to have a look at another flat tomorrow night to make sure I am making the right decision. But I think I am going to go for it!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Been a While
Hello
It’s been a while…a lot has been going on and I am hoping that I can get myself into a good routine to start blogging regularly again… Now where to start??
I joined a gym and have been trying to go three times a week the big word in there is trying, this week all I have managed is twice but that is better than nothing. Today I went to an ab class and man am I feeling it now! Learnt some good exercises with a Swiss ball to work out my abs and man are they good!!
That guy I met turned out to be a dud haha nothing more to say in that sense.
I can’t remember how it came about but me n my ex (that I went out with through high school) started talking again, last week I was having a bad week so he came over to talk n it came out that he still loves me n that he will never be completely happy without me!!
Hmmm well did that make me more lost than ever, I am over him but always will have a soft spot for him. I made the comment the other day that he needed a hair cut, last night he came over to take me out for tea; he had gone and bought new clothes so he would look tidy! Got a hair cut and shaved off his beard all for me!! He also got me some flowers and they are the nicest flowers ever, one red rose one yellow Gerber and one peach/pink rose!! Now the old him would never have done this but in his words he has grown up now I was thinking ok maybe I believe it now. BUT then we went out and got some tea, then went to the video store the whole time I couldn’t relax as it was like I was looking after a child! He acted like a spoilt child the whole time not like a 20-year-old guy.
I have decided that I don’t want to be any more than friends with him, the next step is trying to tell him as I don’t think it will go down well. In all reality though he shouldn’t expect to be any more than friends with me as I have just come out of a difficult relationship so I am no where ready for another one!!
My move went well n for a time being there I thought that I had flatmates but then I tried to get the bond etc from them and they decided that they weren’t going to go ahead and move in anymore! Argh now I am back in the same boat with no flatmates!!
At the moment I feel like I am stuck in one spot at the moment n if I go anywhere I go backwards! Never forwards!! For once I would just like to go forwards even a small step forward as long as it is a step towards getting things sorted!
It’s been a while…a lot has been going on and I am hoping that I can get myself into a good routine to start blogging regularly again… Now where to start??
I joined a gym and have been trying to go three times a week the big word in there is trying, this week all I have managed is twice but that is better than nothing. Today I went to an ab class and man am I feeling it now! Learnt some good exercises with a Swiss ball to work out my abs and man are they good!!
That guy I met turned out to be a dud haha nothing more to say in that sense.
I can’t remember how it came about but me n my ex (that I went out with through high school) started talking again, last week I was having a bad week so he came over to talk n it came out that he still loves me n that he will never be completely happy without me!!
Hmmm well did that make me more lost than ever, I am over him but always will have a soft spot for him. I made the comment the other day that he needed a hair cut, last night he came over to take me out for tea; he had gone and bought new clothes so he would look tidy! Got a hair cut and shaved off his beard all for me!! He also got me some flowers and they are the nicest flowers ever, one red rose one yellow Gerber and one peach/pink rose!! Now the old him would never have done this but in his words he has grown up now I was thinking ok maybe I believe it now. BUT then we went out and got some tea, then went to the video store the whole time I couldn’t relax as it was like I was looking after a child! He acted like a spoilt child the whole time not like a 20-year-old guy.
I have decided that I don’t want to be any more than friends with him, the next step is trying to tell him as I don’t think it will go down well. In all reality though he shouldn’t expect to be any more than friends with me as I have just come out of a difficult relationship so I am no where ready for another one!!
My move went well n for a time being there I thought that I had flatmates but then I tried to get the bond etc from them and they decided that they weren’t going to go ahead and move in anymore! Argh now I am back in the same boat with no flatmates!!
At the moment I feel like I am stuck in one spot at the moment n if I go anywhere I go backwards! Never forwards!! For once I would just like to go forwards even a small step forward as long as it is a step towards getting things sorted!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Update
Just a little update haha.
Well I have not heard from the guy mentioned below, since that conversation. I am trying to be strong but have decided that I deserve better! So will try not waste my time with him but you all know how hard that is when you care about somebody so much!!!
In other news I met a guy when I was out at a friends house in the country and we have started txting and he seems really nice etc etc, only one down side and it’s a BIG downside.he is 32! He doesn’t act like/or look like his actual age but so lost at what to do..At the moment I am just going with the flow but his age is kind of freaking me out!!
I move into my house this weekend but haven’t found any flatmates yet! I am starting to stress as I won’t be able to afford the bills all by myself and mum can’t afford to pay for the rent for the empty rooms plus topping up the mortgage! Argh so frustrating.
In all reality I may have to look for somewhere else to live soon if I don’t find any flatmates!
In most of all I miss my bestie like crazy dam you living in BNE!! Hopefully I get to see you in March!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Make or Break
Hmm well I just had this conversation, kind of stuck of what to make of it...I would really love peoples opinions:
It starts of with Royce then me etc etc, it shouldnt be to hard to follow:
listen up and listen good where the fuck do you get of teling my mates to fuck off and another thing i'm not cheating as 1st i'm in timor 2nd she is a mate and 3rd i have cometments but hey like i give a shit
7:40 PM me: what
i habe the convo if you wana c it she thinks you are more than friends
7:41 PM Royce: she lives somewhere near auckland i have never meet her and have only ever taled to her on msn do some fucken reasearch befoe you start fucking ppl around aye
7:42 PM me: and i didnt tell her to fuck off i just told her i am your girlfriend just like she told me that you have a thing for her and she has a thng for you
7:43 PM Royce: so those are the facts you went off aye good to see you looked into it ha
me: what the fuck..explain why she thinks you are more than friends and why you told her that you wana cuddle with her in bed
7:44 PM i want to hear your side of the story as all i am getting is hers
7:46 PM Royce: what to tell i'm mates with her we have been for yrs she has just come out of a bad relation ship
me: that doesnt explain why you said you want to cuddle her in bed
7:47 PM Royce: i havnt sead cuddle as its not something i can do freaks me out really but i did say she needs a hug etc etc
7:48 PM me: hmmm what are your comitments
Royce: about what
7:49 PM me: you said at the start of this convo you have comitments what are they?
Royce: army, wrk , rifles , you
7:50 PM me: hmm you said you cant cuddle..but you cuddle me. that doesnt make sense and i dont feel like you are commited to me
7:51 PM it kinda made sense you not adding me as a friend on bebo so then you could do that
7:52 PM Royce: wat have a make believe reationship behind your back lol nice and i only do surtain things becoz i'm expected to do them
7:53 PM me: well add me to prove it and be my other half
i dont expect you to cuddle me thats why i have my cuddle pillow haha
7:54 PM Royce: hallie dont give me that i know in the back of your mind what u expect of me trust me i'm not as dum as you may think
7:55 PM me: neither am i...are you gona add me and be my other half??
n it needs to be done tonight if you want me to trust you
7:56 PM Royce: so you are trying to give me an alternatm of somting you think i sould do
7:57 PM me: do you want me to trust you?
why do you have such difficulty doing it if what you are saing is true you wouldnt have a problem doing that
7:58 PM i love you you have my heart but yet you know all of that..i dont know if i will ever know how you feek
*feel
7:59 PM Royce: i'm not a book ppl arnt ment to read me
8:00 PM me: im not talking about that, but looks like you cant do something for me well us.
8:01 PM im talking about u telling me how you feel, i know tht will never happen but it would be good if you could do things for us
8:02 PM Royce: i dont telppl how i feel
8:03 PM me: im not really ppl suppose to be your girfriend.
have you set that other girl straight? krystle what ever her name is??
Royce: when i say ppl i mean EVERYONE
me: and the other part??
8:04 PM Royce: she;s having a fit that will need to wait for her to stop rantingf
me: oh i dont know what to do..what would yo do if you were me??
8:05 PM do you want me??
Royce: i fire my weapons and i wrk
8:06 PM me: ok so you dont want me hmmm
Royce: was that said
8:07 PM me: no but you marswell have said it
8:08 PM Royce: aha
8:09 PM me: thanks for proving my point
not winning me over here royce..
Royce: why do u always need things to be proven
8:13 PM me: maybe because i hope to see how you feel for me out of them...maybe if i feel that you are not hiding me i might be fine
but nobody knows about me being YOUR girfriend the person you are committed to
8:14 PM bebo would go along way to getting into the good books again
8:17 PM hello
Royce: aha
8:18 PM i'm off i'm not in the mood for this
me: obviously you dont wanto save us thanks
if you decide i well we are worth it let me know
:32 PM Royce: so are we on a trial break or somthing
8:33 PM me: hey u back
8:34 PM im not to sure what do u want
Royce: ok then
8:35 PM me: that doesnt tell me what you want..
tell or i will just think the worse
8:36 PM Royce: no i just assumed we are now on a break so you can figure all this out
me: im not gona figure it out without knowing where i stand with you
8:38 PM Royce: ok then
me: will i find out
8:39 PM Royce: its not somthing i talk about
me: i know that but would not talking about it be worth losing me as you didnt say how u felt???
8:41 PM Royce: i dont talk about it
8:42 PM me: ok what if you showed it in other ways so you wouldnt hve to talk about it
you will need to compromise
8:43 PM Royce: its not somthing i'm keen on doing
me: ok then looks like you dont care if you lose me
-----
I dont know if I should believe him or not..I really dont know what to do. I need help n I need it bad.
It starts of with Royce then me etc etc, it shouldnt be to hard to follow:
listen up and listen good where the fuck do you get of teling my mates to fuck off and another thing i'm not cheating as 1st i'm in timor 2nd she is a mate and 3rd i have cometments but hey like i give a shit
7:40 PM me: what
i habe the convo if you wana c it she thinks you are more than friends
7:41 PM Royce: she lives somewhere near auckland i have never meet her and have only ever taled to her on msn do some fucken reasearch befoe you start fucking ppl around aye
7:42 PM me: and i didnt tell her to fuck off i just told her i am your girlfriend just like she told me that you have a thing for her and she has a thng for you
7:43 PM Royce: so those are the facts you went off aye good to see you looked into it ha
me: what the fuck..explain why she thinks you are more than friends and why you told her that you wana cuddle with her in bed
7:44 PM i want to hear your side of the story as all i am getting is hers
7:46 PM Royce: what to tell i'm mates with her we have been for yrs she has just come out of a bad relation ship
me: that doesnt explain why you said you want to cuddle her in bed
7:47 PM Royce: i havnt sead cuddle as its not something i can do freaks me out really but i did say she needs a hug etc etc
7:48 PM me: hmmm what are your comitments
Royce: about what
7:49 PM me: you said at the start of this convo you have comitments what are they?
Royce: army, wrk , rifles , you
7:50 PM me: hmm you said you cant cuddle..but you cuddle me. that doesnt make sense and i dont feel like you are commited to me
7:51 PM it kinda made sense you not adding me as a friend on bebo so then you could do that
7:52 PM Royce: wat have a make believe reationship behind your back lol nice and i only do surtain things becoz i'm expected to do them
7:53 PM me: well add me to prove it and be my other half
i dont expect you to cuddle me thats why i have my cuddle pillow haha
7:54 PM Royce: hallie dont give me that i know in the back of your mind what u expect of me trust me i'm not as dum as you may think
7:55 PM me: neither am i...are you gona add me and be my other half??
n it needs to be done tonight if you want me to trust you
7:56 PM Royce: so you are trying to give me an alternatm of somting you think i sould do
7:57 PM me: do you want me to trust you?
why do you have such difficulty doing it if what you are saing is true you wouldnt have a problem doing that
7:58 PM i love you you have my heart but yet you know all of that..i dont know if i will ever know how you feek
*feel
7:59 PM Royce: i'm not a book ppl arnt ment to read me
8:00 PM me: im not talking about that, but looks like you cant do something for me well us.
8:01 PM im talking about u telling me how you feel, i know tht will never happen but it would be good if you could do things for us
8:02 PM Royce: i dont telppl how i feel
8:03 PM me: im not really ppl suppose to be your girfriend.
have you set that other girl straight? krystle what ever her name is??
Royce: when i say ppl i mean EVERYONE
me: and the other part??
8:04 PM Royce: she;s having a fit that will need to wait for her to stop rantingf
me: oh i dont know what to do..what would yo do if you were me??
8:05 PM do you want me??
Royce: i fire my weapons and i wrk
8:06 PM me: ok so you dont want me hmmm
Royce: was that said
8:07 PM me: no but you marswell have said it
8:08 PM Royce: aha
8:09 PM me: thanks for proving my point
not winning me over here royce..
Royce: why do u always need things to be proven
8:13 PM me: maybe because i hope to see how you feel for me out of them...maybe if i feel that you are not hiding me i might be fine
but nobody knows about me being YOUR girfriend the person you are committed to
8:14 PM bebo would go along way to getting into the good books again
8:17 PM hello
Royce: aha
8:18 PM i'm off i'm not in the mood for this
me: obviously you dont wanto save us thanks
if you decide i well we are worth it let me know
:32 PM Royce: so are we on a trial break or somthing
8:33 PM me: hey u back
8:34 PM im not to sure what do u want
Royce: ok then
8:35 PM me: that doesnt tell me what you want..
tell or i will just think the worse
8:36 PM Royce: no i just assumed we are now on a break so you can figure all this out
me: im not gona figure it out without knowing where i stand with you
8:38 PM Royce: ok then
me: will i find out
8:39 PM Royce: its not somthing i talk about
me: i know that but would not talking about it be worth losing me as you didnt say how u felt???
8:41 PM Royce: i dont talk about it
8:42 PM me: ok what if you showed it in other ways so you wouldnt hve to talk about it
you will need to compromise
8:43 PM Royce: its not somthing i'm keen on doing
me: ok then looks like you dont care if you lose me
-----
I dont know if I should believe him or not..I really dont know what to do. I need help n I need it bad.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Lying Fucken Bastard!!
Hmmm well you will never guess what.. I just caught my boyfriend well ex bf now cheating on me! As much as he can do when he is in East Timor. But it is still cheating as far as I am concerned.
Below is the conversation:
Me
Hey you don’t know me but I know off you. What are you and Royce?
Krystle
Well lets see by the way I talk to him last night hes into me and I’m into him so yeah I think we're being a little more then friends now... why you jealous?
Me
Lol I am his girlfriend. So I guess you and me are both being cheated on..oh and I talked to him last night aswell.
Krystle
oh I see.. Well then you can have the lying cheating asshole then, he never told me he had a gf he kept telling me how he would love to cuddle me in my bed.
I couldn’t reply to the last message as she deleted me as her friend.
Later on she put the following comment on my profile:
Krystle
by the way if you weren’t jealous you wouldn't of added me just to say all that.
---------------------------------
Ummm I think I have a right to be jealous!! Everybody does..Man she must be more pissed off than me at this moment!!
I have decided not to email Royce, as he will find out that I know and he will be expecting to get an email from me. In all reality I don’t think he is worth sending an email to.
I will just wait and see if he emails me…will let you know if he does.
I can’t believe how well I am handling all of this..Hopefully it lasts!!
What sucks is that I need SEX!!
Below is the conversation:
Me
Hey you don’t know me but I know off you. What are you and Royce?
Krystle
Well lets see by the way I talk to him last night hes into me and I’m into him so yeah I think we're being a little more then friends now... why you jealous?
Me
Lol I am his girlfriend. So I guess you and me are both being cheated on..oh and I talked to him last night aswell.
Krystle
oh I see.. Well then you can have the lying cheating asshole then, he never told me he had a gf he kept telling me how he would love to cuddle me in my bed.
I couldn’t reply to the last message as she deleted me as her friend.
Later on she put the following comment on my profile:
Krystle
by the way if you weren’t jealous you wouldn't of added me just to say all that.
---------------------------------
Ummm I think I have a right to be jealous!! Everybody does..Man she must be more pissed off than me at this moment!!
I have decided not to email Royce, as he will find out that I know and he will be expecting to get an email from me. In all reality I don’t think he is worth sending an email to.
I will just wait and see if he emails me…will let you know if he does.
I can’t believe how well I am handling all of this..Hopefully it lasts!!
What sucks is that I need SEX!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Homemade Hamburgers!!
The flatmate hunting isn’t going anywhere! I am really starting to worry about it. I had a guy enquire about it today but he isn’t coming over from Canada until the 15 November and the others who have enquired about it seem odd for example a couple with a young child wanted to come have a look at the rooms! I have it listed on like 3 websites so its not like it isn’t out there.
Tonight I made myself the nicest home made hamburgers! It was such an easy simple recipe. Now I am so full but they were sooo good lol I am so proud of myself!
I am missing you Ashlea!! Which you were here or I was there!
Tonight I made myself the nicest home made hamburgers! It was such an easy simple recipe. Now I am so full but they were sooo good lol I am so proud of myself!
I am missing you Ashlea!! Which you were here or I was there!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Painting
I have decided that painting sounds fun but in all reality it isn’t! I am talking about painting walls etc. Over this weekend I have started painting my new flat. Yesterday I put the first coat on in the lounge and started cutting in on one if the bedrooms, then today I put the second coat on in the lounge and went to start on the bedroom but with being so hung over I had to stop.
Last night I went out to a girl’s house that I went to course with, she lives in the country. I had a good night whenever I go out there it is always different and not what you would norm expect from townies but they are country folk after all.
Well I am going to go get some rest, as I am absolutely exhausted!
Last night I went out to a girl’s house that I went to course with, she lives in the country. I had a good night whenever I go out there it is always different and not what you would norm expect from townies but they are country folk after all.
Well I am going to go get some rest, as I am absolutely exhausted!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Let Down
Well my friend that I was suppose to be moving into my new house with has just told me that it is time for her to move on so she won’t be moving in with me!! So fucken frustrating, I have to be out of my current flat in 3 weeks. We didn’t have any hits on the flat mate add when it was on trademe and I won’t be able to afford the flat all by myself!
I am lost at what to do! I don’t know if I could live with two randoms! One was going to be all I could handle, as I would’ve had a friend with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?
What’s making it harder is that both friends I need and want to talk to are out of contact at the moment!
Its times like these that I just want to crawl into a hole and when I come out it is all sorted out for me like it never happened.
I can’t handle this sort of thing!
I am lost at what to do! I don’t know if I could live with two randoms! One was going to be all I could handle, as I would’ve had a friend with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?
What’s making it harder is that both friends I need and want to talk to are out of contact at the moment!
Its times like these that I just want to crawl into a hole and when I come out it is all sorted out for me like it never happened.
I can’t handle this sort of thing!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Running Shoes!
On the weekend I got myself some new running shoes, one of the big sport department stores was having a massive sale and I got a good pair of running shoes and 3x pairs of sport socks for $82!! I am so happy with my bargain considering the shoes were normally $130 and the socks were $15!!
Now I just have to go out running haha, doesn’t help that it has turned into winter here again! Today we had norm CHC weather four seasons in one day and I mean literally. This morning it was poring down with rain and had southerly winds then the sun came out and it warmed up then it HAILED then the sun came out again and it got really warm outside! All this happened before 1400.
Well one good thing that is happening with the warm weather I am getting more motivated to do things lol.
Now I just have to go out running haha, doesn’t help that it has turned into winter here again! Today we had norm CHC weather four seasons in one day and I mean literally. This morning it was poring down with rain and had southerly winds then the sun came out and it warmed up then it HAILED then the sun came out again and it got really warm outside! All this happened before 1400.
Well one good thing that is happening with the warm weather I am getting more motivated to do things lol.
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Feelers and Dave Dobbyn
Last night I went to The Feelers and Dave Dobbyn! It was awesome, two totally different bands but such an awesome night as both are so talented!!
GO KIWI BANDS!!!
This week has been mayhem! It started off quiet but then I got given the Ice Hockey flights to look after and this isn’t an easy job! Especially when you have to do twice the work you would norm do for a quote and they may not even book within the period that they have to book so you I will have to do it all over again! This frustrates me so much!! What makes it worse is that I am getting international files to look after that relate to Ice Hockey and I am not even an international consultant! So don’t know how to deal with them!!! So f’n frustrated!! I need something that I can’t get ;(
Monday, September 22, 2008
Pictures of the House!!
Some pcitures of the house!
Above: Looking over the garden, and guess what the grass goes even further around the corner! Loving the PINK trim!! My bedroom window, one of the three!!
Will post more pics when I get hold of them!
Below: Around the corner, look at all those roses! Gona be so pretty when they flower!!
Above: Looking over the garden, and guess what the grass goes even further around the corner! Loving the PINK trim!! My bedroom window, one of the three!!
Below: Is looking from the hallway through to the lounge, on the right is the Kitchen, to the left is the BBQ!! area and one of the garden areas!
Will post more pics when I get hold of them!
It's a HOUSE!!
Yay I am moving into an actual house!! Not a small flat or apartment, a house!! With lawns and a garden plus a VEGETABLE GRADEN!! I am so excited about this, at the moment I am going stir crazy where I am currently living I feel so locked in! We have no out doors area except for a small balcony that if you go out on the whole world can see you, I guess that’s over exaggerating but that’s how it feels, I am a private person I like my privacy..
My bedroom is going to be at least twice the size of the one I have now which wouldn’t be hard to do. Mum is putting black out curtains in it plus voles so I can have my privacy without blocking out the sun. We are painting all the bedrooms and the lounge as the lady loved PINK and PURPLE!! The lounge is a bright pink it is so sick!! But luckily we are painting it before we move in so we won’t have to look at it.
Another thing I am excited about is having a laundry inside! My current laundry’s only entry is via going outside the house and I hate this! But in months or so time I wont have to!!
Yay!!
Well I am over typing for today as typed an 11 page proposal for some stupid corporate client
that I won’t even get as Debra (my oo) will take over!!
My bedroom is going to be at least twice the size of the one I have now which wouldn’t be hard to do. Mum is putting black out curtains in it plus voles so I can have my privacy without blocking out the sun. We are painting all the bedrooms and the lounge as the lady loved PINK and PURPLE!! The lounge is a bright pink it is so sick!! But luckily we are painting it before we move in so we won’t have to look at it.
Another thing I am excited about is having a laundry inside! My current laundry’s only entry is via going outside the house and I hate this! But in months or so time I wont have to!!
Yay!!
Well I am over typing for today as typed an 11 page proposal for some stupid corporate client
that I won’t even get as Debra (my oo) will take over!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The Budget
Well last night and I sat down with my mum and looked over my budget, what I can save and what I am going to need money wise for Australia. It didn’t turn out as well as I was hoping. Realistically I can’t move to Australia as soon as I had hoped. I am guttered about this but I want to do it the right way for me and that means extending the date of when I am moving. I am aiming for July/August now.
In the mean time I am going to find myself a new flat as I am not happy where I currently am. Hopefully I can find a flat where I think I will be happy in the time being.
In the mean time I am going to find myself a new flat as I am not happy where I currently am. Hopefully I can find a flat where I think I will be happy in the time being.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
How Long??
How long do I wait to hear from my boyfriend before I let him know what I am doing? Do I wait a week more? A month? How long? I am so lost on what to do. I never know if the decision I make is the right one, with every decision I make I have a WHAT IF? What if I waited longer and he replied? What if I was more patient? Argh stupid what ifs? But no matter what I do I can’t seem to shake them!!
Orienteering
Today I went orienteering, it was good to get out and do a different form of exercise and having to use my brain at the same time was a bonus (I only lead us in the wrong direction once lol). Still no email, I feel like I am ready to cry but it hasn’t quite reached my heart yet…just sitting there brewing which isn’t good coz when it happens I wont stop for a while!
My flat mate got home from Blenheim I was starting to miss her company but when we got back to the flat after picking her up I realised that she is just frustrating, wish she was away for a while longer. We sat down and watched TV for a bit, she critised everything that everybody did nothing was right. She even critised these stars from NZ going into the Jamaican Military doing shock treatment saying why is she crying its just jumper from a helicopter into the water but in reality if push came to shove she wouldn’t be able to do it!!
My flat mate got home from Blenheim I was starting to miss her company but when we got back to the flat after picking her up I realised that she is just frustrating, wish she was away for a while longer. We sat down and watched TV for a bit, she critised everything that everybody did nothing was right. She even critised these stars from NZ going into the Jamaican Military doing shock treatment saying why is she crying its just jumper from a helicopter into the water but in reality if push came to shove she wouldn’t be able to do it!!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Stir Crazy
I am going STIR CRAZY!! How do I stop being stir crazy?? If anybody has the answer please tell me?
The reason why I am going stir crazy you ask? Hmmm where do I start…as I outlined below I am with a guy who is away with the NZ military. He has already been away since May this year and is going to be away until early December also of this year…we have been emailing each other all the time 2-3 emails a week on average some weeks more which I love! Nearly two weeks ago he told me he was going away for a week so I wouldn’t hear from him which is all good coz that’s just what happens. On Tuesday night I went online and found that he was also online I sent him a few instant messages and got no reply. After about 15minutes of this I was completely fucked off so sent him an email saying I was hurt with him not replying and that he needs to start having respect for my feelings. Last night I still hadn’t got a reply so I sent him an email asking to talk to him as I wanted his help to make a few life decisions and gave him one last chance to redeem himself….I am still sitting here waiting for a reply, what annoys me the most as I can see that he has been online but doesn’t have the decency to email me!!!
That there is why I am going STIR CRAZY. I want to move on with my life but can’t until I hear from him and let him know what I am doing!!
The reason why I am going stir crazy you ask? Hmmm where do I start…as I outlined below I am with a guy who is away with the NZ military. He has already been away since May this year and is going to be away until early December also of this year…we have been emailing each other all the time 2-3 emails a week on average some weeks more which I love! Nearly two weeks ago he told me he was going away for a week so I wouldn’t hear from him which is all good coz that’s just what happens. On Tuesday night I went online and found that he was also online I sent him a few instant messages and got no reply. After about 15minutes of this I was completely fucked off so sent him an email saying I was hurt with him not replying and that he needs to start having respect for my feelings. Last night I still hadn’t got a reply so I sent him an email asking to talk to him as I wanted his help to make a few life decisions and gave him one last chance to redeem himself….I am still sitting here waiting for a reply, what annoys me the most as I can see that he has been online but doesn’t have the decency to email me!!!
That there is why I am going STIR CRAZY. I want to move on with my life but can’t until I hear from him and let him know what I am doing!!
Breaking the News
Today I am going to my grandparents house to wash my car and break the news to them that I moving to Australia, not to sure on how they are going to take the news. They will probably be the same as my mum in the sense that I have got a really good job and I am going to be giving it up to get another job doing what? I don’t know if it is the generation difference but they don’t seem to understand that I need to do this and that I am going to get more confidence in myself and will have to break out of my shell to do it, I see it as benefiting me in the long run!
I also showed my blog to my best friend today, she is being so helpful with it all. She has a blog of her own, she hasn’t been doing it for long but I love reading it, I check it everyday to see what’s new. I love the tips that she is giving me they are being a big help!
I have started to talk to my best friend also about moving to Ausie, she is giving me really helpful advice, she pointed out that the time of year that I want to go over is in the middle of the summer which is like 10degrees warmer than the summer I am used to so would probably have trouble coping with it all!
Then I clicked that at the time of the year as it is so close to Christmas who will be hiring staff around that time? Staff that are not temporary any way. Maybe the best thing for me to do is go over in January…it is going to be hard waiting that long but I won’t be able to survive without a job over the Xmas/new year period. Unless I leave my job here the week prior to Xmas, go down south for a week or two then come back to Christchurch spend a day or two here then go over! I think that may be the best option...will have to think about it more and confirm a date soon!! Oh so exciting! :D
I also showed my blog to my best friend today, she is being so helpful with it all. She has a blog of her own, she hasn’t been doing it for long but I love reading it, I check it everyday to see what’s new. I love the tips that she is giving me they are being a big help!
I have started to talk to my best friend also about moving to Ausie, she is giving me really helpful advice, she pointed out that the time of year that I want to go over is in the middle of the summer which is like 10degrees warmer than the summer I am used to so would probably have trouble coping with it all!
Then I clicked that at the time of the year as it is so close to Christmas who will be hiring staff around that time? Staff that are not temporary any way. Maybe the best thing for me to do is go over in January…it is going to be hard waiting that long but I won’t be able to survive without a job over the Xmas/new year period. Unless I leave my job here the week prior to Xmas, go down south for a week or two then come back to Christchurch spend a day or two here then go over! I think that may be the best option...will have to think about it more and confirm a date soon!! Oh so exciting! :D
Friday, September 12, 2008
Memories
Memories, I like these some of the time but at the moment I don't!!!...every where I turn I get reminded of a good time in my life and compare it to what I have now and I feel like I don't have anything good happening at the moment..I am looking well I am 99% sure I am going to move to Australia by the end of the year but could that be me running away from everything here as those memories are still going to be there when I get back...I am so lost
Eeekkk
Hmmm I am not to sure how to start this whole blog thing let alone learning to poor my feelings out through words..I hope everyone can stick it out with me as I go through my ups and downs.
At the moment I literally feel lost in life, how did I become lost?? That is a good question, I hope writing this blog is going to help me answer that question....here goes!
Well I just wrote a whole paragraph and deleted as didn't think it sounded right but while typing this sentence out, I realised that this is my blog and hey I should just put what I type in.
I am going to apologise now for the rambling hopefully I will learn how to construct my blog so I am not rambling all the way through it.
At the moment I am in a long distance relationship, my boyfriend is in the nz military and is currently away. We met up when he was on leave for two weeks and had an awsome holiday together, even though that was the first time we have ever spent that much time together...things have never been smooth sailing with us. I love him I really do, he is an awsome guy but he doesn't appreciate me when we are apart thats not just when he is away but when he is on base he see's me but only enough to keep me attached to him which I used to handle as i didnt really want a relationship but now that i have all these feelings I want more and he has said that we have more and when we all good he talks to me all the time but I am not to sure what makes him shoot off in the other direction but he does it too often. I have reached the point that I am ready to call it quits, I am just worried that I will always have regrets of what if I waited til he was back and seen how it went, but then on the other hand I feel that I have given up a year of my life already why should I keep going like this when I am only happy with the relationship 30% of the time.
Well I am all worded out at the moment.
At the moment I literally feel lost in life, how did I become lost?? That is a good question, I hope writing this blog is going to help me answer that question....here goes!
Well I just wrote a whole paragraph and deleted as didn't think it sounded right but while typing this sentence out, I realised that this is my blog and hey I should just put what I type in.
I am going to apologise now for the rambling hopefully I will learn how to construct my blog so I am not rambling all the way through it.
At the moment I am in a long distance relationship, my boyfriend is in the nz military and is currently away. We met up when he was on leave for two weeks and had an awsome holiday together, even though that was the first time we have ever spent that much time together...things have never been smooth sailing with us. I love him I really do, he is an awsome guy but he doesn't appreciate me when we are apart thats not just when he is away but when he is on base he see's me but only enough to keep me attached to him which I used to handle as i didnt really want a relationship but now that i have all these feelings I want more and he has said that we have more and when we all good he talks to me all the time but I am not to sure what makes him shoot off in the other direction but he does it too often. I have reached the point that I am ready to call it quits, I am just worried that I will always have regrets of what if I waited til he was back and seen how it went, but then on the other hand I feel that I have given up a year of my life already why should I keep going like this when I am only happy with the relationship 30% of the time.
Well I am all worded out at the moment.
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