Update

Just a little update haha.

Well I have not heard from the guy mentioned below, since that conversation. I am trying to be strong but have decided that I deserve better! So will try not waste my time with him but you all know how hard that is when you care about somebody so much!!!

In other news I met a guy when I was out at a friends house in the country and we have started txting and he seems really nice etc etc, only one down side and it’s a BIG downside.he is 32! He doesn’t act like/or look like his actual age but so lost at what to do..At the moment I am just going with the flow but his age is kind of freaking me out!!

I move into my house this weekend but haven’t found any flatmates yet! I am starting to stress as I won’t be able to afford the bills all by myself and mum can’t afford to pay for the rent for the empty rooms plus topping up the mortgage! Argh so frustrating.

In all reality I may have to look for somewhere else to live soon if I don’t find any flatmates!

In most of all I miss my bestie like crazy dam you living in BNE!! Hopefully I get to see you in March!

Make or Break

Hmm well I just had this conversation, kind of stuck of what to make of it...I would really love peoples opinions:

It starts of with Royce then me etc etc, it shouldnt be to hard to follow:


listen up and listen good where the fuck do you get of teling my mates to fuck off and another thing i'm not cheating as 1st i'm in timor 2nd she is a mate and 3rd i have cometments but hey like i give a shit
7:40 PM me: what
i habe the convo if you wana c it she thinks you are more than friends
7:41 PM Royce: she lives somewhere near auckland i have never meet her and have only ever taled to her on msn do some fucken reasearch befoe you start fucking ppl around aye
7:42 PM me: and i didnt tell her to fuck off i just told her i am your girlfriend just like she told me that you have a thing for her and she has a thng for you
7:43 PM Royce: so those are the facts you went off aye good to see you looked into it ha
me: what the fuck..explain why she thinks you are more than friends and why you told her that you wana cuddle with her in bed
7:44 PM i want to hear your side of the story as all i am getting is hers
7:46 PM Royce: what to tell i'm mates with her we have been for yrs she has just come out of a bad relation ship
me: that doesnt explain why you said you want to cuddle her in bed
7:47 PM Royce: i havnt sead cuddle as its not something i can do freaks me out really but i did say she needs a hug etc etc
7:48 PM me: hmmm what are your comitments
Royce: about what
7:49 PM me: you said at the start of this convo you have comitments what are they?
Royce: army, wrk , rifles , you
7:50 PM me: hmm you said you cant cuddle..but you cuddle me. that doesnt make sense and i dont feel like you are commited to me
7:51 PM it kinda made sense you not adding me as a friend on bebo so then you could do that
7:52 PM Royce: wat have a make believe reationship behind your back lol nice and i only do surtain things becoz i'm expected to do them
7:53 PM me: well add me to prove it and be my other half
i dont expect you to cuddle me thats why i have my cuddle pillow haha
7:54 PM Royce: hallie dont give me that i know in the back of your mind what u expect of me trust me i'm not as dum as you may think
7:55 PM me: neither am i...are you gona add me and be my other half??
n it needs to be done tonight if you want me to trust you
7:56 PM Royce: so you are trying to give me an alternatm of somting you think i sould do
7:57 PM me: do you want me to trust you?
why do you have such difficulty doing it if what you are saing is true you wouldnt have a problem doing that
7:58 PM i love you you have my heart but yet you know all of that..i dont know if i will ever know how you feek
*feel
7:59 PM Royce: i'm not a book ppl arnt ment to read me
8:00 PM me: im not talking about that, but looks like you cant do something for me well us.
8:01 PM im talking about u telling me how you feel, i know tht will never happen but it would be good if you could do things for us
8:02 PM Royce: i dont telppl how i feel
8:03 PM me: im not really ppl suppose to be your girfriend.
have you set that other girl straight? krystle what ever her name is??
Royce: when i say ppl i mean EVERYONE
me: and the other part??
8:04 PM Royce: she;s having a fit that will need to wait for her to stop rantingf
me: oh i dont know what to do..what would yo do if you were me??
8:05 PM do you want me??
Royce: i fire my weapons and i wrk
8:06 PM me: ok so you dont want me hmmm
Royce: was that said
8:07 PM me: no but you marswell have said it
8:08 PM Royce: aha
8:09 PM me: thanks for proving my point
not winning me over here royce..
Royce: why do u always need things to be proven
8:13 PM me: maybe because i hope to see how you feel for me out of them...maybe if i feel that you are not hiding me i might be fine
but nobody knows about me being YOUR girfriend the person you are committed to
8:14 PM bebo would go along way to getting into the good books again
8:17 PM hello
Royce: aha
8:18 PM i'm off i'm not in the mood for this
me: obviously you dont wanto save us thanks
if you decide i well we are worth it let me know
:32 PM Royce: so are we on a trial break or somthing
8:33 PM me: hey u back
8:34 PM im not to sure what do u want
Royce: ok then
8:35 PM me: that doesnt tell me what you want..
tell or i will just think the worse
8:36 PM Royce: no i just assumed we are now on a break so you can figure all this out
me: im not gona figure it out without knowing where i stand with you
8:38 PM Royce: ok then
me: will i find out
8:39 PM Royce: its not somthing i talk about
me: i know that but would not talking about it be worth losing me as you didnt say how u felt???
8:41 PM Royce: i dont talk about it
8:42 PM me: ok what if you showed it in other ways so you wouldnt hve to talk about it
you will need to compromise
8:43 PM Royce: its not somthing i'm keen on doing
me: ok then looks like you dont care if you lose me

-----

I dont know if I should believe him or not..I really dont know what to do. I need help n I need it bad.

Lying Fucken Bastard!!

Hmmm well you will never guess what.. I just caught my boyfriend well ex bf now cheating on me! As much as he can do when he is in East Timor. But it is still cheating as far as I am concerned.

Below is the conversation:

Me
Hey you don’t know me but I know off you. What are you and Royce?

Krystle
Well lets see by the way I talk to him last night hes into me and I’m into him so yeah I think we're being a little more then friends now... why you jealous?

Me
Lol I am his girlfriend. So I guess you and me are both being cheated on..oh and I talked to him last night aswell.

Krystle
oh I see.. Well then you can have the lying cheating asshole then, he never told me he had a gf he kept telling me how he would love to cuddle me in my bed.
I couldn’t reply to the last message as she deleted me as her friend.
Later on she put the following comment on my profile:

Krystle
by the way if you weren’t jealous you wouldn't of added me just to say all that.

---------------------------------

Ummm I think I have a right to be jealous!! Everybody does..Man she must be more pissed off than me at this moment!!

I have decided not to email Royce, as he will find out that I know and he will be expecting to get an email from me. In all reality I don’t think he is worth sending an email to.

I will just wait and see if he emails me…will let you know if he does.

I can’t believe how well I am handling all of this..Hopefully it lasts!!

What sucks is that I need SEX!!

Homemade Hamburgers!!

The flatmate hunting isn’t going anywhere! I am really starting to worry about it. I had a guy enquire about it today but he isn’t coming over from Canada until the 15 November and the others who have enquired about it seem odd for example a couple with a young child wanted to come have a look at the rooms! I have it listed on like 3 websites so its not like it isn’t out there.

Tonight I made myself the nicest home made hamburgers! It was such an easy simple recipe. Now I am so full but they were sooo good lol I am so proud of myself!

I am missing you Ashlea!! Which you were here or I was there!

Painting

I have decided that painting sounds fun but in all reality it isn’t! I am talking about painting walls etc. Over this weekend I have started painting my new flat. Yesterday I put the first coat on in the lounge and started cutting in on one if the bedrooms, then today I put the second coat on in the lounge and went to start on the bedroom but with being so hung over I had to stop.

Last night I went out to a girl’s house that I went to course with, she lives in the country. I had a good night whenever I go out there it is always different and not what you would norm expect from townies but they are country folk after all.

Well I am going to go get some rest, as I am absolutely exhausted!

Let Down

Well my friend that I was suppose to be moving into my new house with has just told me that it is time for her to move on so she won’t be moving in with me!! So fucken frustrating, I have to be out of my current flat in 3 weeks. We didn’t have any hits on the flat mate add when it was on trademe and I won’t be able to afford the flat all by myself!
I am lost at what to do! I don’t know if I could live with two randoms! One was going to be all I could handle, as I would’ve had a friend with me.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?

What’s making it harder is that both friends I need and want to talk to are out of contact at the moment!

Its times like these that I just want to crawl into a hole and when I come out it is all sorted out for me like it never happened.

I can’t handle this sort of thing!